A HUNDRED EGGS

HOW TO HAVE A GREAT TIME HATING LIFE

2011-01-07T19:43:00.000-08:00

Not everybody enjoys going out to social functions. I particularly hate going, but if you're one of those people who says fuck leaving my house and you live by it, you're never going to get laid or even have a chance of some kind of exciting thing happening to you, ever. The problem I have is that what is usually exciting is the fact that I'm now in jail, in pain, or less one item I own. So why would I keep doing this to myself? What's the engaging part of having a horrible time with friends that suck the life out of you? Let me tell you:

1. Talking Shit

Oh yes, the wonderful world of saying something that no one wants to hear. Really digging deep and letting everyone around you know how much you don't give a shit about someone else. This is even more fun once you've become inebriated and lost all sense of caring for another's feelings. When you look someone right in the eye and tell them how much you think they're life's in the shitter, it can be almost magical. Most people would say this is a horrible idea and it's rude to even consider this a positive thing. That's because most people do it behind your back.

2. Destruction

There's nothing quite like the sound of a cellphone breaking. That clattering crash as all your numbers you've been saving for oh so long go tumbling out the window, or down the drain. The look on Sams' face as your foot goes right through his girlfriends' coffee table. Priceless. Shot glass? What shot glass? All I see is broken glass motherfucker! Woo!

3. Fighting

I'd say this is the crowning achievement of humanity. When words won't do, you can always just start pushin' a fuckin' weak ass bitch around until that motherfuckers crying on the stairs. Who needs intelligence? Phh. That shits' for pussies! The best parties I've ever been to had lots of dudes touchin' and punchin' lots of dudes. Hands down. How else is anybody supposed to know that I'm thee baddest dude around?

If you don't agree that this is the best shit you could be doing with your time while out and about, then you got real problems, my friend, really depressing, boring problems. Everything doesn't always have to be enjoyable, memorable or even fun as long as you, yourself and yigh are having one hell of a good time.

SOMETHING IN MY SOUP

2011-01-05T10:25:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been asking myself how I've felt about being a completely useless waste of space. I came up with two answers;

ONE: It's alright.
TWO: It sucks.

After that obviously very deep thought session, I figured I should have a goal. So I'm thinkin', it's still around New Year's, I can still make a "resolution." Whoopee! Yippee! Yayo! Good idea man, good idea. I bust out my trusty pad-o-whatever-paper's lying around and set in. "Ok, what are my goals here? What are my GOALS?"

Hours go by. The clock is ticking. Nothing's happening.

After a while more, I give up. I suck at this shit! Instead I figure I'll just go back to one of the many things I started and never continued; this blog. I first started it as a jokey/weirdy/dumb video type affair, but there's no point in having one of those anymore. I will from time to time have those things if it's relevant to what I'm talking about, but mostly, I need a space for my ever growing frustration. This anger that boils! Aimed at the brainless people that I run into on a constant basis. So sit back, relax, and shut the fuck up.

TRASH HUMPERS

2010-02-28T20:20:00.000-08:00

A new film by none other than Harmony Korine.

KIA KIA KIA KIA!

2010-02-13T14:02:00.000-08:00

Been savin' up for a big ol' massive post of deliciousness. Bear with me as we traverse through the wormhole of inane crap from decades past and present!

First up, bubble fights, dish destruction, and horrible jokes galore!

This makes no sense to me and not because it's in Japanese

Gotta have some Valentine's Day love [barf]. Be loyal!

Roth. The man. The myth. The fucked up BEAST!

DEMON POSSESSED

2010-02-02T08:31:00.000-08:00

I swear i didn't re-edit or change this at all. Pure awesomeness!

RANDOMISSION

2010-01-28T09:26:00.000-08:00

This is one of the deepest exestential videos of all time if you happen to be hearing impaired.

So now for the exact opposite.

THE DOPPELGANG

2010-01-21T21:47:00.000-08:00

What do you get when you mix bad hair, tin foil and a bunch of stoners with horrible acting skills? The Doppelgang!

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR PENIS?

2010-01-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

Sizzling models in designer fashion!

SOMETHING HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO

2010-01-14T17:29:00.000-08:00

"And ya know, Napoleon the Third or whatever"

TURD HEAD

2010-01-13T19:52:00.000-08:00

Thunder Mask ain't got nothing on Turd Head!

I SEEK THY CATALOG!

2010-01-13T19:38:00.000-08:00

Probably the best ad for a music label I've ever seen. I seek thy catalog! Eight hundred number!

TUNDA.. TUNDA.. TUNDA.. TUNDA!

THE SEFERLEE SHOW

2010-01-12T17:55:00.000-08:00

This guy has it all! Singing! Dancing! Falling down!

BROAD PROD

2010-01-11T23:56:00.000-08:00

There's something about the way Lock Ness's blank eyes just glisten in the light.

UPN used to rule!

SO, I'M A CHEAP WHORE

2010-01-11T11:34:00.000-08:00

And I stole your man, Everything Is Terrible. I mean I'm lazy and I just have to show this to SOMEBODY.

BUN BUN NEEDS LOVE TOO

2010-01-10T18:21:00.000-08:00

Today in the Boston Herald,

Chelsea rabbit rapist convicted of cruelty

Abel Aguirre, 38, of Chelsea was convicted yesterday of animal cruelty for having sex with his roommate’s rabbit, the Suffolk County District Attorney’s Office said. He faces up to 2 years in the House of Correction and a $2,500 fine at sentencing today.

Aguirre assaulted the rabbit June 1, 2008, district attorney spokesman Jake Wark said. Aguirre’s roommate told investigators she came home and found blood and clumps of rabbit fur on the bathroom floor and a claw belonging to the bunny. In Aguirre’s room, she found a used condom with rabbit fur on it. The rabbit was injured and bleeding.

“My jaw hit the floor,” one juror said about the disturbing testimony. The rabbit has died, but not of its injuries, Wark said.

TIME FOR SOME D*CK PT 2

2010-01-10T17:31:00.000-08:00

TIME FOR SOME D*CK

2010-01-10T17:03:00.000-08:00

There's always a time in a woman's life when all she wants to worry about is dick. Well at least that's what this video has taught me. Also, in the 90's, people obviously liked saying "eeny-weenie" all the time.

Probably the worst part about Los Angeles is that even the most obscure rapper has 10,000 fans. Mickey Avalon is no exception. "My dick, served a whole luncheon, your dick, looks like a munchkin." "My dick, the size of a pumpkin, your dick, looks like Macaulay Culkin"

At some point during the late 90's Saturday Night Live became a horrible show. Most likely because the funniest people they have always die and the worst live on to have fruitful careers in shitty movies. "The Internet Generation" and their A.D.D. fueled desires for youtube inspired clips of comedy actually caused SNL to get their shit together for a short while. Thusly, we now have the oh so wonderful [sarcasm] Dick In A Box.

Funny how dicks can teach you things. for example, i didn't know this, but I guess it's normal for the girlfriend of a suspected cheater to take special steps to make sure that everything's coo. Also, if the boyfriend doesn't like it, he can swole her lip even if he got dick da go round.

To finish it all off, a video that I feel represents the best of the wallstreet types.

BREAKBOT - MAKE YOU MINE

2010-01-09T06:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, Breakbot's been on my radar for quite some time, but this just takes the cake. I don't feel like typing much.. at 6 A.M. So I'll let someone else. Video after the jump.

The new Breakbot track sounds like typical Breakbot and he's sounding smoother than ever. The vocals are ever so Daft Punk but the beats are unmistakably his. Breakbot's first ep is called 'Baby I'm Yours' and it should be out this year.

JERSEY SHORE RECAP

2010-01-08T20:16:00.000-08:00

Fuck. Fight. Fuck. Fight. Fuck.

DUMPERZZZ

2010-01-08T17:09:00.000-08:00

I heart dada

Riton is one of the better producers out there. If you enjoy this, you should check out Riton & Primary 1

On that future 8 - bit tip

Voices in the speaker whisper in my ear

BACON OR BEER CAN

2010-01-08T13:45:00.001-08:00

Simply amazing.
HTTP://WWW.BACONORBEERCAN.COM

SHOTGUN DREAMS

2010-01-08T10:29:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I believe there can be a rate to to the way your dreams rotate through your brain. The simple [complex] way that your neural pathways fire seems to have some kind of twisted logic that has to do with the individual dream and the supposed "actions" involved. If there are liquid lions and melting binturongs it seems that the dream would move into some kind of more psycho-pseudo-realistic areas faster than say if you were just walking down the street dream-wise. The misunderstood makes you misunderstand? Let's go back to walking down the street. If you are, and all of the sudden a tree falls out of the sky and starts breakdancing, you are more likely to turn around and see something just as fucked. So maybe there's a tendency to enjoy a dream once you come to the conclusion that you're dreaming, but then I have to ask, does this make it a lucid dream? How deeply do you have to understand that a dream is a dream to make it one that you understand that you're in?

GHOSTLY NATURE - KILLING STAR

2010-01-07T01:51:00.000-08:00

SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION.

CONGOROCK - BABYLON

2010-01-07T01:41:00.001-08:00

I wowed out loud.

Congorock - Babylon from Scion A/V on Vimeo.

RANDOMICITY

2010-01-07T01:21:00.000-08:00

MYSTERY SONG

2010-01-07T00:08:00.000-08:00

THIS IS THE BEST SONG EVER.